If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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