i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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