i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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