i just wanna soil my oats bro
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
