i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
