Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
