my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
