I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
