your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
