i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
even my farts smell like vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
