rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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