I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize