Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
