I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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