Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
