I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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