is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
