i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize