I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
