Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
