alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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