i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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