Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize