there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
