Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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