I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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