All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
