I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
