We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
