called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
