she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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