he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
