Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I touched a dick in church today
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
