I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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