theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
