The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
