So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
