I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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