im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
