K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
