...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
