nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Couch. On fire.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
