So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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