Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
