My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
