i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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