I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
