youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
