It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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