Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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