Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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