Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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