I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm drive I can fine osifer
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
