hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
