i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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