you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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