ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
