No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
