if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
