Whod you bang
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
