she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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