At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
either way he was missing a nipple.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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