your parents love me but you hate me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
