what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
