By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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