so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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