from now on my penis is your penis
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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