My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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