some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
