You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
