So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize